Dont get too close
by quinntanarivergron4life
Summary: High School cheerios captain Santana is struggling with her secret sexuality and other demons, the glee club and coach Sue are worried that she is plummeting into distress. The new high school councilor Doctor Fabray comes into the picture with her own baggage in tow. Can the cheerleader and the counselor fix their broken hearts and be happy again ?
1. Chapter 1

High School cheerio captain Santana is struggling with her secret sexuality and some other demons, her best friend Brittany recommends that she should go see the new high school councilor, when Santana meets Doctor Fabray for the first time she shows her the possibility of happiness.

**Author's note: ****here is a new story after my writer's block I decided to continue with my other stories and post my new ones I have other holiday based stories that I am going to post that I couldn't before**

**And I again give a shout to Lea Michele I know its been a while since her single was released but I love her songs ****cannonball**** and battlefield and if you haven't yet listened to them go and listen to them Now!**

_**One more thing, Quinntana fans lets have some fun and tweet about having a quinntana scene for the 100**__**th**__** episode, I was sad when I heard about Chace Crawford coming on to play Quinn's boyfriend so that means no chance of Quinntana happening again but I really hope they get a scene together, even if it's a scene were they joke about their one night stand. **_

**I hope you ENJOY this story! **

**Quinn's POV**

_She was down on one knee with a velvet box in her hand revealing a beautiful (big) diamond ring, my heart was beating fast, I was anxious and I was sweating, she wanted to take the big step in our relationship _

"_S-s-santana what are you…_

"_Shh, just let me do this, just hear me out Mi amor" she interrupted me, I was shocked and I felt like I was going to choke _

_When someone you love proposes to you, you cry tears of joy, you immediately say yes without having to think about it, without them even having to ask and you get scared in a good way, but why am I feeling scared in a bad way _

_Why do I feel guilty that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, I am not even sure I want to hear what she has to say _

"_I love you Quinn, I never knew what love was until you came around and showed me, you took me out of the darkest place in my life and showed me the possibility of happiness _

_I know I was a bit difficult to you when we first met, in fact I was practically a bitch, but you never gave up on me, you stayed I pushed but you pulled me back, I cant imagine my life without you _

_You became more than a school counselor, you became my best friend, my only solace of happiness and the love of my life" she had tears rolling down her cheeks and so did I, she let out a chuckle shaking her head _

"_San" I breathed out as my breathing became shallow _

"_The more I spent time with you the more I could see that you were the right one for me, we had our times bad and good and through it all we still stuck with each other and we still found our way back to each other _

_I swear I never knew what love meant until I met you, not only did you bring me happiness but you brought it to the school too, you make people smile and laugh, you change their lives for the better _

_And I am glad for that, and I am happy that Brittany and the rest of my friends pushed me to see you because if it was not for them, we wouldn't be here today, in fact I am pretty happy that principal figgins hired you_

_I am glad you wanted your fresh start to be in Lima, years ago I would have laughed at anyone who would have told me that I would believe in fate and love, but now, now I know what all that means thanks to you _

_Weeks ago before graduation when we were talking about the future in the glee club, I had this perfect picture in my head of going to my dream school in New York and having a beautiful fiancée back in Lima _

_Then we would get married after my first year in college, then after I finish college, I would get started on building my dream, taking the right jobs here and there, of course it would be a struggle since I want to be an artists, but you would be there every step of the way, cheering me on _

_And then when the time comes I would land something big and then we would move away from Lima and start a future some place else, with you having your own practice as a psychologist and we would live in this wonderful house with a picket fence _

_And every time I would come home from work, or touring around you would be there to welcome me home with a big smile on your face throwing yourself in my arms, and it would feel like home, then when we are ready we start a family_

_A beautiful girl that looks just like you with your hazel eyes, then of course a boy and then we would argue over baby names and we would fight because of your hormones and my stubbornness " _

_We both chuckled at what she said_

"_But in the end we would be okay because we love each other, and then when our babies are born it would be like the perfect moment and nothing or anybody would take it away from us,_

_That's the future I envisioned and today after graduation, seeing you in the crowd cheering me on when I collected my diploma and gave my speech and looking into your eyes, I knew more that ever that I wanted it more_

_So what I am saying is, I want to make you happy, spend the rest of my life with you and grow old with you, so Quinn Fabray, will you make me the happiest girl on earth and marry me?" _

_I wanted to say yes so much, wanted all those things she wanted so much, I wanted a future with her; all those things she had said were true _

_When we first met we collided but some how I never gave up on her, something kept on pushing me towards her and I do not regret ever meeting her _

_She was one fiery student beautiful but stubborn, she was stubborn and has so many secrets, but underneath that tough exterior was a soft exterior that was just bruised _

_She gave me a run for my money but in the end it was all worth it, the first time she told me she loved me was the best moment of my life, because I had loved her from the moment she walked in my office and started shouting at me for no reason_

_We grew closer together and our problems bought us even closer, we have been through a lot and we managed to fix each other and as much as I believe in love and fate I also want Santana to go her own way for a while without having me to hold her back _

_She is still young, she is 18 and I am 25, she has so much to look forward to and so much to explore I do not want to hold her back, because I lived my college life, I wanted Santana to enjoy hers too without having this big commitment tying her down _

_Although it will break me, but as long as she is happy I will be happy, but our relationship needs to be tested, if we are meant to be we will find our way back to each other_

_After a while of being quiet and having tears silently rolling down my cheeks, I could see Santana's face look at me with worry and concern; she stood up and placed the box on the dining table, moving towards me _

_I felt all air leave my body, when she wiped away my tears, even now her touch had that effect on me and I loved it, but what I am about to do is going to break both of us _

"_What is wrong Mi amor, tell me" _

"_No, I can't" I saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion _

"_No what MI amor" _

"_I can't marry you Santana, I just cant, I love you so so so much but if I say yes I feel like I would be holding you back" she frowned and moved away from me _

"_W-w-what do you mean holding me back, that doesn't make any sense Q" I could feel her voice crack and it broke my heart even more _

"_Listen to me San, please listen, you have a whole life ahead of you, you are going to college and you are still 18, you don't need a big commitment tying you down, I want you to go out there to college and go explore _

_Explore your talents and what you want to do, although it totally breaks me to say this, but I had my college time and I think its fair for you to have yours, I love you Santana please believe that and I want nothing more than to spend my life with you…"_

"_Then why are you doing this to me Quinn, why the hell are you saying this, why are you making this hard, I don't want that, I want to go to college yes, I want to explore and do everything yes _

_But I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, so why are you resisting this, you are not holding me back, love is something that can never hold you back Q, why this, why now, you say that you love me but why do you want to break my heart?" _

_Her body was wrecking in sobs as I stepped closer to her and she pulled me in her making me face her, her brown orbs filled with sadness as they locked with mine _

"_I love you san, I love so much and I do not regret ever meeting you, you are my whole world but I want to set you free, I am 25 Santana and you are 18 you have so much time to decide on what you want_

_I just don't want you to make hasty decisions, I don't want you to regret this down the line" she shook her head furiously _

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOUSED TO MEAN, I LOVE YOU" I flinched at her raised voice she was angry and I know that when she is angry she can do stupid things sometimes _

"_I love you. Age does not matter, and since when did it matter, you are the love of my life and nothing will ever change that, even going to New York, why all the sudden change Quinn, why do you want to break me, don't you want a future with me?" _

_We were both crying by now _

"_I do Santana I want nothing more than to have you in my life forever"_

"_THEN WHY, tell me why you're doing this, does this mean we are breaking up, were you going to do this right after my graduation, have you been planning to break up with me all along, was I just a good lay for you is that it, _

_were you just using me all along, healing the broken girl then dropping her last minute, I am so stupid " she hissed at me out of anger _

_I was hurt that she assumed that I was using her; I love her more than she will ever know why she would think that I have no idea _

"_San"_

"_Don't San me, so I was just a broken girl to, a patient that you had to fix, did you love me at all or did you just feel sorry for me Quinn is that what this was"_

"_NO, NO san you know I love you, this was never an experiment for me it was real, its just that I think we are not ready yet, we just need a break and I swear San we love each other and we will find a way back to each other _

_We just need a break on things so that you can go off to college"_

"_I don't need a break, I need you I want to marry you, love you and have a family with you, why is it that you are the only person that was able to fix my heart yet again you are the only person that was able to break it in to pieces"_

"_San things don't have to change between us, I still love you but we are not ready for marriage" I was clutching on to her my neck buried into her neck, as we were both crying _

"_This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, our lives but instead it is the worst and you can't hug it away Quinn, I want a future with you and you tell me we are not ready, well I am ready, I cant believe you would do this to me!"_

_She was angry, she was pissed and she was crying, in this state Santana was capable of endangering herself in the worst possible way, she banged her hand on the table which made me flinch she left the velvet box and took her jacket from the coat hanger _

"_Wait S-a-n were are you going?" I asked her with panic set in my eyes, when I tried to grab her arm she roughly pulled away from my grasp _

"_I-I am going to my graduation party, I declined the invitation thinking I will have something to celebrate at home with my fiancé well at least I thought I would have a fiancé by the end of the night but I was wrong_

_You know funny thing is, this was supposed to be the happiest day of my life but it turned out to be the worst" I was crying so hard now and I clutched onto her, holding her tight and wanting to never let her go_

"_S-San please you c-c-ant drive in the state your in, please don't walk out on me, on this on us" _

"_Please just let me go Q, because If I stay I might say something that I may regret, you made your decision clear Quinn, I want you to be my wife and if you cant there is no us, I am going don't wait up for me" _

_She pulled away from me and walked out of the door slamming it on her way out; I broke down crying on the floor, how could I let the love of my life walk out of the door? Santana is the best thing that ever happened to me and I just ruined it _

_I thought I was making the right decision by letting her go so she can focus on college but I guess I was wrong because it just destroyed us, I was replaying all the venomous words she said to me about me playing her and dating her out of pity _

_It hurt that she thought those thing about me, I love Santana with every fiber in my body, she was my everything, after I lost it all I thought I would not bounce back, but my move to Lima proved to me that there is always a __**light at the end of the tunnel**_

_Santana was my light, she was my everything and now I think I might have lost her for good, I really hope she comes back I never wanted her to spend her graduation night like this, this was supposed to be the happiest night of her life (of our lives)_

_I decided to call her but her phone just kept on taking me to the voicemail, I called for what felt like the 50__th__ time and it still went to voicemail _

"_**This is Santana bitch, I cant pick up right now because I am busy being awesome and chilling with my beautiful future wifey, leave a message and I will get back to you, if I even want to (chuckles)" I**__ laughed through my tears as I listen to her voice over and over again she was a charmer in her own ways _

"_San babe please call me, I love you so much, please just come home, I will give you your space, whatever you want I just want you to come back home so we can talk, please San" my voice was cracking as I was tearing apart inside _

_I went to our bedroom; it was mine before it turned into ours a few months ago and ever since she has moved in with me she has turned this into a home, more than I could, even before she moved in it already felt like our home because she slept here a lot and left some of her stuff here _

_We had been through so much together, the school frowning upon our relationship, her abuela, Santana not wanting to open up about her problems, we pushed and pulled to be together _

_We had an understanding about each other, we both went through the same things and I saw myself in her and I also saw love, Santana was the love of my life and I wouldn't change that for anything, its like its in my DNA, she is my soul mate _

_And it took a lot of convincing from her in order for me to accept that we were in love, I was in denial at first but she wooed me and fought with me to finally give in to our love _

_Our love was passionate and fiery just like our personalities, we love hard that's who we are and we fight hard, we do everything with a passion, you would think two people who are the same would never work out together, but we did _

_I looked at the photo on her bedside table, it was a picture taken on her birthday when I threw her a surprise party and she was so happy that when it was time to cut the cake she hugged me from behind and smeared the icing all over my face, kissing my cheek to remove some of it _

_It was beautiful, we looked so in love so carefree and happy, laughing and having fun, but now I feel like I just destroyed my own happiness, I decided to lay on our bed as I clutched the photo holding to my chest letting out painful sobs _

_I kept looking at my phone for any sign or indication that she might call, I cried myself to sleep hoping that she would come back home soon _

_***RING, RING, RING***_

_I was woken up by my cell phone blaring loudly, I answered with out looking at the caller ID hoping that it was San_

"_Hello San where are you" I panicked hoping she is oaky _

"_N-no Q-quinn it's me" I heard the familiar voice that would usually sound sweet and happy, sound sad _

"_Britt, were is San, what's wrong sweetie?" Brittany was scaring me, she was never sad, she would cry but it would be happy tears of joy most of the time_

_While I was helping Santana I became close with all of her friends (the glee club) mostly I became best friends with Rachel, Tina and Mercedes but I was close with all of them and when we started dating they were fully supportive including Mr. Schue and they have been our strong hold ever since, they stood by us _

_And they always filled our apartment with joy, having them over for barbeques and sing sessions was great so if anything ever happened to either one of us they would be supportive and be there to help the other _

_But judging by Brittany's tone I was scared_

"_Q-Quinn, S-san…" I heard her sobbing at the end of the line, she couldn't speak, I started to cry, had something bad happened to my San _

"_Britt w-what a-are y-you saying, what happened Britt, please tell me" I was screaming in the phone, panicking because Brittany refused to tell me what was happening _

"_H-hey Q its R-Rachel" she sighed taking a deep breath but my tears did not stop _

"_Rach pl-lease" _

"_S-San has gotten in a bad car accident, I am s-sorry" the moment she said those words my heart stopped, my blood froze and I felt like I was seeing black, it cant be possible, this isn't happening _

"_W-what are you saying Rach, P-p-please t-tell me it's not t-true" she was crying and I was sobbing I couldn't lose her I already lost some people that I loved years before I can't lose my only happiness _

"_She is okay but it was very serve she was taken to the emergency room, s-she left the party, furious and drunk, she arrived here angry and hurting, w-we tried to stop her but she was t-to stubborn_

_P-puck, Sam, Mike and Finn tried to stop her from getting in the car but she refused to listen, we all tried but she got in anyway she didn't see the other car coming and it crushed into hers 2 blocks from the party" Rachel was practically sobbing by now_

_I felt like I was going insane, I felt like all was lost and my heart was ripped out of my chest, this was my entire fault, I let out a scream of pain and rushed out of my apartment without looking back, already Puck was waiting for me outside the apartment I ran into his open arms _

_And sobbed against his shirt, he hugged me tightly to make me feel better but it didn't work _

"_I know, I know, its going to be okay, she is strong she will make it" he opened the passenger door for me and let me in _

"_I knew you needed a drive I couldn't let you drive like this, we all stand together right, through anything" he kissed the top of my head for reassurance but I couldn't stop crying and I felt even more guilty when I saw his defeated expression as he drove me to the hospital_

"_T-This is al-ll my fault, w-we got in a f-fight and she left I s-should h-have said y-yes and this wouldn't have happened" I let out sobbing, Puck didn't know what I was talking about, I wasn't ready to tell anyone yet _

"_H-hey its not your fault, couples fight and they make it through anything, you san always do, you always make it, this is just a set back she will be okay"_

"_But what if she doesn't Puck" I shouted _

"_W-what if I l-Lose her, what would I do" floods of tears were coming out of my eyes_

"_Hey don't think like that oaky, she will make it come on Q, you are always telling us to be positive she will make it"_

_I just shook my head in disbelief, I know Puck was trying to make it all better, but this is nothing I can be positive about, the love of my life might die and its all my fault I drove her to drink her anger away, I cant lose her _

_We finally walked into the hospital and all our friends were waiting with open arms, some already crying as they hugged me murmuring telling me its going to be okay, trying to comfort me, I appreciated them being there _

_I really needed them at that moment, I saw a doctor come up to us_

"_W-what is the update doc? Please tell me she is okay, PLEASE DOC, PLEASE!" I asked letting out a cry, he looked at me sympathetically our friends were all holding me back_

"_I am doctor Montgomery, Santana's doctor, you must be Quinn, Santana is very critical now and we are taking her to surgery now, she broke a lot of ribs and she lost a lot of blood, she also has a bad head injury_

_But I assure you that she will be okay after surgery we will do everything that we possibly can do" _

_I felt light headed and my legs gave in but before I hit the ground, the girls caught me, and I continued crying _

"_C-can, Can I see her before s-she goes in to surgery" _

"_Of course, follow me"_

"_We will all be her for you and her Quinn, we are not going anywhere" Mercedes said still hugging me tightly as they all circled around _

"_t-thank you guys for being here"_

"_We wouldn't be any where else" a blood stained Finn said, I looked at Brittany to see if she was okay because San was also very important to her, she was her best friend, she moved from Sam's grip and moved to hug me _

"_She will be okay Q, our Sanny is strong" after a while of comforting each other I was ready to go with the doctor _

_When she opened the door to her room, I felt like I was going to collapse again but Doctor Montgomery held me and moved me to San's bed _

_She was bad; she was covered in bandages as she lay limplessly on the bed looking pale with scars on her neck and face, I felt like I was going to be sick and my heart ached with pain _

"_Oh San" I sat besides her bed grasping her limp left hand and bringing it to my lips and kissing it _

"_I will give you a moment" the doctor whispered out leaving the room quietly_

"_Oh san, I feel like this is my entire fault, it is my fault, and you wouldn't be here in the first place if I didn't say yes to you, I wanted to say yes _

_I wanted to marry you and grow old with you and have kids with you, but I thought I was doing right by you in saying no, but I guess it hurt us both in a bad way _

_P-please San I can't live without you, I want to grow old with you and I know you want to too, please wake up, don't leave me alone, we have so much to look forward to, don't leave me here, you are my rock you are my everything _

_I promise if you wake up, you will have all those things you wanted, the things we wanted. P-please San don't give up" I clutched her hadn't tighter and cried into the bed and I prayed, I prayed for her to be okay, for her not to leave me _

"_R-remember when we first met, y-you w-were so sturb-born and angry, but we mended each other, we pulled through we made it this far, come on baby p-please" I cried into her as I remembered the first day I met the love of my life…_

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

***This is just the beginning it's a flash forward, this story will be based on Quinn's thoughts, taking us through when they first met, there will be some other POVs and Santana's Povs will be included through out the story**

***But it will be mostly Quinn, it's a story told through her eyes. **

***The next chapter will be on when they first met**

***Hope you enjoy the story folks, until next time**

***P.S. I just posted another chapter of Sister in law. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note: **** Here is a new chapter of the story, I know I never finish my stories but I plan on updating each and every one of my stories every day, so thank you for the support and thank you Jammy for you kind words…we just have to wait and see how this plays out..enjoy!**

**Quinn' Pov **

_January 2011 _

_My heart was beating fast against my chest as I ran into the hospital, I was running so fast I didn't care if I pushed a few people on the way, I didn't care if my feet were throbbing or the fact that my whole hand was covered in blood…_

_I just wanted to get to the emergency room, I just wanted to see my parents, I wanted to know if they were okay…my head was throbbing and I felt as though that my heart was going to fall out of my body…I felt like I was being attacked by a flood of emotions and the only thing that was replying in my head was…my parents, my parents…blood…car crash…broken windows…screams_

_That's all that was replying in my mind…like memories…but these memories weren't happy ones…all I remember…all I remember was the phone ringing…my heart beating…the unfamiliar voice at the end of the line…I remember smashing my phone against the wall, I remember punching the wall….blood running down on my knuckles…my nana holding me back and trying to control my emotions _

_One call from the hospital…just one call from the hospital about my parents made me go crazy…insane…I lost it…I wanted…I just wanted to do something to hurt something as much as I was hurting_

_I am still running, my heart is still beating…I can't breathe but I don't care, I really don't_

"_Miss…miss slowdown…Miss who are you looking for?" I had no response the nurse standing in front of me_

_She looked worried yet puzzled, I saw her signal one of the male nurses to come aid her…maybe they thought I was insane because I was screaming like a person from an insane asylum…maybe they thought I was one of the patient….but at that moment I really didn't care what they thought of me…the only thing I cared about was the fact that they were holding me back from getting to my destination _

"_Miss…please…calm down…I am sure we can help you if you just calm down" _

"_Move! Please just move o-u-t of my way, please, LET GO OF ME!" I let out a scream which seemed to scare the hospital attends a bit, I felt like I was in a close room , I felt like I wasn't allowed to breath with every nurse and doctor surrounding me_

_Immediately when I heard one of the female nurses say "Mitch we are going to have to sedate her" that is when I lost it…I screamed even more_

"_MY PARENTS, MY PARENTS, I HAVE TO GET TO THEM!" _

_The only thing I remembered after they decided to sedate me…the only thing I remember was seeing lights, bright lights…the only thing I remember was waking up the next day laying on a hospital bed, my head throbbing, my hand bandaged…I woke up attached to machines…_

_But then when my memories all came flashing back, I ripped all the tubes from me and violently got out of bed but before I could get out of my room…three male nurses came into my room and grabbed me_

_I was kicking and screaming and the only thing I kept on screaming was "MY PARENTS…MY PARENTS…I WANT TO SEE MY PARENTS" but no one understood _

_I finally felt like one of my patients…I felt like no one understood me or what I wanted…instead of helping me find my parents and telling me what happened to them, the doctors sedated me all throughout_

_I spent the whole week kept in a hospital room because they said to me that I was "a danger to myself and too emotionally unstable"_

_They diagnosed me…they diagnosed me with a ridiculous diagnoses…instead of grieving my parents death I spent a whole week in hospital, I didn't even get to plan my parents funeral, I was in a state of shock, day in and day out family members and friends came to visit me in the hospital, but I just sat there blank…just staring into space._

_At some point my nana stopped coming, because she wanted to properly say goodbye to her daughter and son in law…but I didn't get the chance to do so _

_Some of my patients even came to visit me, Doctor Quinn Fabray in hospital for emotional instability…how Ironic…but that's what I thought they were thinking…but they were supportive, their doctor needed help just like they did, so they visited, they sent flowers…but nothing could ever make me feel whole again _

_A piece of me felt like it was ripped from me, a big piece of my hearts was gone and I had no way of getting it back…I had no closure…I had no vision of happy memories anymore…every time I just closed my eyes…I saw my parents screaming for me to help them…but every time I try to run to their rescue I see myself driving the car that killed them…_

_I am forever going to be blank…because that's how I feel…that's how I am right now…I just sit here feeling blank and staring into space…I am afraid of sleeping because all I can see is the visual death of my parents…I can't stay up because all I can think about is the death of my parents so I just sit there blank…with nothing left…_

Lima Ohio 2012 January

That was a year ago, and every time I think about it, it still breaks my heart but I got a chance to start all over again…a fresh start in a new state

After the funeral which I missed due to my emotional instability which kept me in hospital sedated, my nana took me to a stress clinic, When I arrived there I didn't talk or eat for about two weeks, after a while my nana and my friends started visiting me, trying to make me laugh and be my old self again

But my walls were too tough to break down, I was still in distress and I was still trying to piece everything back together…my nana came and she started to tell me more about how the funeral was…she told me everything

And after a month I was able to cry again…I was able to let go of all that I was feeling all along, I wasn't under drugs now, I was not a danger to myself anymore, I was fine, I was healing because nana said to me

"Lucy you have to forgive yourself, it's not your fault, they loved you a lot and they still do, it doesn't mean if they are not here, that they are not here"

That day when my nana left, I just cried and cried, the next day she came with the family album and we reminisced about the good old days…it still made me cry when I saw my parents, no matter pictures or thoughts it still hurt, I felt as though it was going to take forever for me to heal.

After two months I received a personal mentor and psychologist, Melissa, she was amazing, she was easy to talk to and laugh with, maybe it was due to her feisty personality, I mean after all she is a red head or maybe it was her green eyes that made me open up to her, but she made things simple.

I still had nightmares, I still cried after sessions, but ,Melissa was always there to remind me that I was just grieving and that I wasn't crazy, Melissa mended my heart although not completely, but she fixed it, she became my best friend and she encouraged me to keep doing my job

I gave up on being a counsellor because I couldn't trust myself to help people out on how to handle their emotional problems after all I went through…it was kind of hard for me to say I could tell people how to handle their situations if I couldn't handle my parents death…but Melissa told that what I went through was a good thing

She told me that now I have experienced my own fare share…I would make a great counselor because I could now relate to people more…I tried to believe her I really did, but I just…I couldn't trust myself anymore, but after some pushing and shoving from Melissa, friends and family I decided to continue with being a counselor…I thought about being there for people and telling them it's okay and telling them that they are not going crazy.

After six months in the stress clinic I finally went home but I was still skeptic about visiting my parents grave…I was still making progress and I knew that if at that time I decided to go to the cemetery it would break me all over again and I was not willing to start all over.

I took two months off before going back to work and in those two months I felt as though I was drowning in misery, this place was no longer for me it bared a lot of bad memories, it bared hurt and pain and every time I was in the house I felt as though I didn't belong…

After a month of moping around in Florida, Nana gave me an out, she gave me the keys to her home in Lima, Ohio were my mom grew up, My Nana suggested that I needed a fresh start in a new state, away from the bed memories and the pain…and what better place to start over than my mom's childhood home.

After much thought and a long talk with Melissa I took the offer…I finally cleared out my office and said a final goodbye to my patients…the last month before leaving Florida for good, I was finally ready to go visit my parents…I went to the cemetery and after a long time of hurting I finally had some closure and I was steps away from fully healing

You can never really say you can ever fully heal after losing someone you love, or people that you love…the idea of not seeing them again hurts…it seems to surreal for a while…it hits you hard because you think about the things you are going to miss

You think about how you will never see them smile again, you will never hear them laugh, you will never hear their voices again and you get scared that you will somehow forget them as time goes by.

Losing the people that you love is not easy, no matter whom it is, if they were a very big part of your life it hurts to lose them, you constantly think about them every day, you tend to look at pictures and you just feel like somehow if you ever had a chance of bringing them back you would.

Before I left for Ohio my Nana and Melissa informed me that they had gotten me a job as a high school counselor at my mom's old school, because there was not much to do in Lima…I was happy but not too much, I guess it was a good start, helping teenagers and being in a peaceful quiet town it wasn't much but it was exactly what I needed.

So here I am in Lima, getting ready for my first day of work, I haven't done much yet…some of my things are still in boxes, I haven't had time to pack away, I have been busy trying to adjust…trying to start over and make this home enough for me.

It had been long since I have been in Lima; I just remember loving it when we used visit to see Nana before she moved out to Florida after Grandpa passed, but it was slowly beginning to feel at home

Although people here weren't as open minded as in Florida it was okay, you get what you wish for and what I wished for was a fresh start.

I grabbed everything I needed for my new office, I was still a bit tired from the plane ride here and I was thankful that my grandparents still left the cars in the garage because I wasn't ready to hike a taxi to get to work.

I was rushing to get out of the house, I was nervous and when I get nervous I get crazy overboard stressed because I want everything to be perfect and as if on cue my phone rang, I smiled when I saw the caller ID because I am pretty sure after this phone call I can probably be able to calm down

"Just in time" I smile as I hear the laugh that always eases my nerves

"Oh thank God I was a bit worried about you, I know how you get sometimes and I wanted to make sure that you are not going crazy overboard"

"This is why I love you, you know me so well"

"That's what best friends are for, my dear Fabray, let me guess you had no idea what to wear for your first day at work, you didn't want to be too formal because its high school yet you didn't want to be too casual because you didn't want to make a bad first impression…so you spent hours in front of the mirror and you did not get a wink of sleep"

We both just let out a laugh on how well she knew me and how I now came to a realization that I have been acting crazy the whole day

"You know it's starting to get a bit creepy that you know a little bit too much" I joked and she just let out a throaty laugh

"Oh please Fabray , if you didn't have me in your life, you would be a total mess sweetie…they are going to love you, you have that effect on people…I am starting to think it's your eyes and timeless beauty"

"Yep they are definitely going to like me" I say sarcastically rolling my eyes in the process

"Of course they are…the girls are going to kill you for being too beautiful then they are…well the boys are going to constantly in your office even though they won't have anything to talk about…so you Fabray will be the first counselor to make history of having boys open up more than girls"

"Do you kiss your husband with that mouth?"

"Of course I do"

"You basically told me that I am going to give boys a boner and that I am going to turn high school girls into more obsessive jealous girls than they already are, great way to make an impression hey"

"What…I was telling the truth, when my husband first saw you he wanted to jump you, and I still love you anyway" I just chuckled at her silly antics

"Yeah whatever, even if he wanted me I wouldn't do that to you and besides, I am not in to that remember"

"Oh yeah, I totally remember when he found out that you were gay, you totally left my husband and probably all men with a bruised ego"

"Speaking of husband, how is little Jade and Mark?"

"Oh they are both still sleeping and I am slaving away making breakfast for moth my men, first days are always the worst"

"You know I wish I was there right, to help you out and laugh with you…I miss you and I wish you were here too to hold my hand"

"I wish I was there too and I miss you too…but you need this sweetie…I love you okay good luck and don't freak out, I will call you after work, I have to go wake up my terrible two"

"Thanks Lis, I love you too, oh good luck to you too and please say hi to my Nana for me"

"No problem, no go kick some ass Fabray" after hanging up the phone I couldn't stop laughing, Melissa was a piece of work sometimes and I loved that she could make me laugh and I loved that she knew what I needed and that we could be there for each other

Melissa and her family had become a huge part of me and my Nana's life and they were great people in one's life, no matter what we were always there for each other.

As I step outside I take a look around at the neighborhood I live in, it was great and it was quiet it was a little suburb and my guess was that everybody here was married with kids…but none the less it was a great place which allowed one to relax and free their minds

As I was driving to William Mckinley high I couldn't help but notice the school buses that picked up teens, some teens were driving their own cars

There were cliques as usual it wouldn't be high school if they weren't any cliques…I smiled as it reminded me of my time in high school which was about 8 years ago…I was the quiet kind of girl in high school, I stayed out of peoples way and I was constantly in school clubs specifically arts and photography, but in senior year some of the popular kids started hanging around me, at first I thought It was a joke but they really liked me.

I hate bullying and I have always hated bullying so hopefully here there won't be a lot of it, otherwise I would have to work hard to make sure it stops

After a long drive and over thinking things I finally arrived to the school and got a great parking space. Of course I wasn't surprised at what I saw when I walked in the school yard to the main door…teens smoking, gossiping, laughing at others…it was a typical high school, jocks, cheerleaders and many more.

I felt quite confident when I walked out of my car but as soon as I walked down the hallways my nerves kicked in because all these students were just staring at me, I tried not to look, I even heard a few cat calls

But none the less I looked down at the box in my hands, just hoping to find the principal's office fast and finally I did.

I softly knocked on the mahogany door that read Principal's office….and the moment I entered the door, I was greeted by a wonderful nice plump lady that had glasses on, she softly smiled at me and I smiled back

"You must be the new counselor…Dr. Quinn Fabray…am I correct"

"Uhmm yes…yes you are, nice to meet you…"

"Oh…Rosy, I am Rosy principal Figgins assistant….I would shake your hand but you seem to have your hands full, just tell me if you need me to get a student to help you with that"

"Oh no but thank you for the offer, it's really fine I think I will find my way, is the principal in"

"Yep, just right through that door…nice to meet you Doctor Fabray and remember if you need any help just tell me"

"No problem Rosy…thank you again" I smiled at her one last time before making a two feet detour into the principal's office

When I entered the office I was greeted by a short smiling Indian middle aged man, he was already standing up pointing at the chair for me to sit on"

"Ahh you must be Doctoer Fabray, nice to meet you, please take a seat"

"Nice to meet you too principal Figgins" I politely smiled at him, was everyone here so polite

"Great to meet you too….just like your mother…so beautiful and smart….when you grandmother called I was happy to hear from her again but I was so sorry to hear about your parents…Judy was a very loved and adored student here and she was pretty determined, me and her were in the same chemistry class, she moved away I stayed here to become the principle, she was a wonderful friend and a great tutor and I miss her greatly…I am so sorry for your loss"

When principal Figgins told me about him and my mom's history I was okay, for the very first time I was okay and I was glad to hear all that he had told me, my mom touched hearts and it was almost painful to remember that

"Thank you principal Figgins…I miss them every day, but there is nothing like a fresh start in your mom's childhood hometown, I'm glad that I am here"

"Oh we are too, once your grandma told me all about you, I knew we had to have you…now on the lighter side of things, your office is ready for you Mrs. Schuester was happy to leave it with some things that she thought might come handy for you"

"That's very sweet of her, thank you for this opportunity"

"Oh no don't be too modest, we are supposed to be thanking you, we have heard of your work and determination, I believe that you are really going to be a blessing to this school"

"I really hope so" I couldn't help but blush with how nice he was being, the students seemed pretty lucky to have a principal like this, who cares for the well being of his students

"Mr. Schuester, the glee club and Spanish teacher will help you find your way around here, his wife was the former school counselor so he may help you get a good name with the students"

"Thank you again, sir"

"Oh Doctor Fabray, if you need anything, don't hesitate to knock on my office door, it's always open"

I gave him a smile and left his office, saying goodbye to Rosy on the way out, well the start of the day wasn't so bad, I would say so far so good  
>When I leave the office I am greeted by a young good looking man with curly short hair, my guess was that this was Mr. Schuester, he and waved at me and I smiled back<p>

"You must be Doctor Fabray, the wonderful woman that is replacing my wife"

"And you must be Mr. Schuester the wonderful man that is going to help me with my way around here" we both shared a laugh before he took my box and carried it for me

"Well it's going to be great to show you around, and by the way you can call me Will"

"And you can call me Quinn, is everyone here this polite and nice"

"Oh no not everyone is, but I am glad that you are not scared shitless on your first day, I am glad that we could make you feel comfortable"

"Well thank you for putting up a front for poor old me…I am just hoping that I could be able to fill your wife's shoes"

"Oh don't worry Emma told me that from what she has heard, you will be able to fit in here just fine"

"Well I hope I meet everyone's expectations because I feel like I am already put on a pedestal…I am just really worried about the students, you know when you are high school, you tend to get too embarrassed to come to the school counselor's office"

"I know what you mean, but with just a little push students here can tend to open up, so do not worry, we really do need you"

We shared a few jokes and laughs, as he was helping me set up my office, they already had a name plate for me, which was engraved Dr. Quinn Fabray on it, after putting a few pictures on the desk and posters here and there I was settled

"Thank you again Will, now I really feel at home, all I have to do now is stick with you and test the water with other staff members…why does this feel like my first day in school"

"Because it is" he playfully nudged my shoulder and I just laughed at him

"Oh after break I would really love for you to come to the glee club, I want to introduce you to some of my students and don't worry they won't bite, they might even serenade you with a welcome song if I tell them to"

"Please don't, I begging you, I don't want them to hate me"

"Don't worry about that, they love singing…bye Quinn"

"Bye Will"

After Will left my new office, I just decided to walk around the school and see what it looks like, I passed the hallway with the trophy cases and photos up the wall, I looked at the photo wall and my heart broke when I saw a young version of my mother smiling next to her cheer squad while holding up a trophy, she used to tell me that she was in a cheerleading squad and showed a few pictures back then.

She looked great, I just didn't realize how much I looked like her and I loved that, maybe this is what I needed… to work here, maybe I can finally really heal for real this time …

As I was lost in my thoughts, I felt a hard push as someone knocked me over, I almost fell to the ground but that person quickly pulled me up with a tight grip to my wrist

"I am so s-sorry, I wasn't watching were I was going, I am really sorry" I finally looked up to see this person and I couldn't help but smile at how flustered

she was, she was wearing a cheer leading uniform and she had a file in her other hand, her hair was fastened up neatly in a pony tail and she had beautiful olive skin with gorgeous brown eyes , wait I can't think like that she is a student, but what's the harm in admiring someone's beauty.

"No its okay, really…I am fine no harm done here"

I said reassuring her that there was no harm done, I thought maybe that she would laugh out of embarrassment and awkwardness just like I was but she looked like she was in a rush to go somewhere, she looked like she hadn't slept for days despite how beautiful she looked, she looked a bit down and I kind of felt sorry for her

"Umm…okay, sorry again" and with that before I could say anything she just left and I just watched her leave…who was she and why was she so skeptical  
>The entire time before break I sat in my office thinking about the girl from the hallway, she looked sad and beautiful I just couldn't get her out of my head, and I only just met her a while ago<p>

"Knock, knock" Will was standing by my door smiling at me with a lunch box in his hands

"Oh hey Will" I said blinking a few times, feeling puzzled and surprised by how much I was focusing on that girl from the hallway

"It's time for lunch, you were looking a little lost there, are you okay"

"Oh yeah, don't worry about me, after you left I walked around the school you know, re living in my mom's memories" I immediately saw the smile on his fall as I mentioned my mother

"I heard about that, I am really sorry are you okay"

"Oh no don't worry, it gets better, day by day, so really don't worry, it took a while, it's really not easy losing the ones you love but I am getting better"

"Well that's good to hear, just so you know I am always here if you need to talk, doctors can't cure themselves you know?" I just smiled at him and grabbed my coffee and lunch box

"Thank you for that Will"

"No problem….and we are here, this is the teachers' lounge, there's not much that happens here, just teachers running away from students and trying to get a moment of silence"

"It looks lively" there was a hint of sarcasm in my voice because it was pretty dull to be honest, all the teachers looked a little depressed

"Oh please don't sound so excited…come here I want to introduce you to someone"

We walked over to a table were a very built masculine woman was sitting, she was eating half a chicken and with the attire she had on and the whistle around her neck, I figured that she was probably a Football coach

"Quinn, this is Coach Shannon Bestie, coach Bestie this is the new counselor Dr. Quinn Fabray"

"Nice to meet you Dr. Fabray, I love to shake your hand but as you can see I have chicken residue on my hands"

"No its okay really, call me Quinn by the way, it's nice to meet you too Coach Bestie" she just smiled at me and signaled for me and Will to join her

"You know, with what I have heard about your line of work, we are very happy to have you here, you can help me get my football team in line, you know some of those boys have too much on their chest and they just need to let it out in other ways than playing ball"

She seemed so enthusiastic and full of energy, she seemed like a determined coach who looked after her boys

"Well it looks like I have a lot to do here, and by the way does everyone know about my track record"

"Oh yeah, when a new staff member comes in, we informed by their kind of work so we can know what to expect, but don't worry, these young boys don't know what's coming to them, they will probably be in your office every day because you are one attractive young lady…no offense Will"

"Non taken Shannon" Will laughed and shook his head does everyone think that I am every teenage boy's fantasy, I blushed a bit because I remembered what Mellissa had said this morning

"I hope I can lure them in with more than just my looks hopefully and besides even if they try anything nothing will happen"

"Is there a lucky someone in your life, do you have a boyfriend"

"Oh no, no...I don't have a girlfriend I haven't in a long time"

"Oh you are gay, well boy is that a relief"

"But you are going to break some of those boys hearts Quinn" Will joked

"Trust me I have along the way" after a few laughs, we just talked and enjoyed our lunch, I am still saying so far so good, but I still had that nagging feeling about that girl from the hallway…I have been thinking only about her so far…I had no idea why

"Hello ladies….ah there is nothing I love to see than depressed teachers sitting around and eating their lives away into obesity as they gossip about nothing but sad excuses of teenagers walking around here"

I looked at the tall and lean woman in front of us, who sat down next to Bestie, she had short blonde her and she had a red track suite on, she had a smirk on her face and a bottle of green substance which I guessed was some sort of shake

She moved to clean her whistle and after a while she looked at me, it's like she was inspecting me or something, I was kind of thrown off, she looked like the type of woman that didn't take crap from anyone at all at that scared me a bit

"Let me take a guess, this porcelain skin young looking girl, is the new counselor, aren't you a little young to be a doctor porcelain skin"

"Its Dr. Quinn Fabray Sue, have some respect please she is new"

I was glad that Shannon came to my rescue, but it looks like her and Will are used to the digs that this woman throws around…Sue is her name well at least that's what I heard Bestie said

"Oh please stop talking and just eat your disgustingly large chicken Bestie, and let me talk to porcelain skin over here….coach Sue Sylvester" she said extending her hand out to me to shake

"Quinn Fabray…Dr. Quinn Fabray...nice to meet you, but you can call me Quinn" she just shook my hand for a second and let go

"Oh no, no porcelain skin, I think I like calling you this instead, you know you remind me of me when I was a young girl….at least you will good for something all these boys are going to come running to your office"

"No offense Coach but I more brains than I am beauty and I have more heart than I can say you do"

After that I heard Will and Shannon snicker, I felt a bit brave standing to this woman but I 5 minutes if meeting me she called me a whore and said I was not qualified because of my chronological age, my parents always taught me how to handle myself around people that were trying their luck

"Like I said…just like me"

I really don't think I am anything like her or that she was anything like me, maybe I can be quick on my feet but no…I actually feel sorry for whoever she is coaching, it's quite sad really

"Hey by the way porcelain skin in all seriousness I have a problem with one of my cheerio girls who has been having it tough this year after what happened to her last year, she has been very aloof this year after what happened to her last year…look I may come across as a tough bitch, but I work with tough love but this girl needs more than that and she is my captain…so I need me to show me how you work by taking care of her"

I look at her slightly confused, wow she has a heart underneath all those quips, I look around at the table and all of a sudden there was a heavy emotion, there was heavy tension and both Bestie and Will had frowns on their faces

"Lopez again, what happened this time" Shannon asked Sue

"She came to practice looking tired and determined but she was late and I could tell she was tired after 30 minutes of practicing and ordering the girls around I could tell she had a few drinks and she was letting out her frustrations on her teammates so I had to take the bull horn away from her and send her to the break room…

Problem is that I know Lopez is a good captain and she is a smart determined girl, what happened to her messed up her life and I hate seeing that, she asked me to let her in the squad again because she wanted something to focus on…she didn't want to grieve and let it all out"

"Yeah she is a real mess, I thought music would work because she love singing, she hates when the Glee club tries to sing to her…we tried everything but she hasn't sung in a long time, I thought focusing on art was the answer, even Emma tried to help her but she couldn't"

"You know that signing doesn't always work Will, you and your sorry excuse of a club should stop thinking that it does, Lopez needs serious help and I believe that porcelain skin here and can help fix her…I don't like the route that Lopez is taking"

"We all want to help Santana Sue, we all do"

"Am I missing something here, who is Santana Lopez?"

"I will show you when I take you to the Glee club she is part of it"  
>I just nodded but I had this nagging feeling that the girl I ran into the hallway is Santana Lopez, she looked sad and she fits the description emotionally and she is also a cheerleader, maybe it's her<p>

"Just help her porcelain skin"

"I will hopefully"

After the break I left the staff room feeling determined to meet Santana Lopez and help her, Will and I walked into the glee club with everyone seated….  
>When I first entered I saw two students by the piano singing, it was a boy and a girl, the boy was wearing a glittered jacket and a neck scarf, the girl was wearing a reindeer sweatshirt, she was perky and short and they both harmonized real well<br>At the corner I saw a guy with a Mohawk with ripped jeans strumming hi guitar, I am going to take a guess and say he is probably the bad boy of the school, the I saw a tall lanky guy by the drums next to his Mohawk friend

At the other corner at the class room I saw two Asian students a boy and a girl, then a boy in a wheelchair was conversing with a very confident looking African American girl, the finally there was a tall blonde with blue eyes wearing a cheerleading uniform

"Hey guys…guys I would like to introduce you to the new school counselor Dr. Quinn Fabray"

"Wow she is hot" the Mohawk guy commented as he winked at me

"Settle down Puck she is off limits" Will said scolding him but he winked at me anyway

"I wanted her to get a taste of the Glee club for a bit, she is really nervous about reaching out to you guys, so please make her feel as welcome as possible….which takes me to this week's assignment…emotion…we are going t sing songs that showcase emotions, but let me give the doctor the floor so she can introduce herself

"Quinn" Will said giving me the floor to speak

"Hey everyone I am Dr. Quinn Fabray, and I am your new counselor, my door is always open and I am looking forward to getting to know you all"

"We can't wait to know you too pretty girl"

"Puck, that's enough" after a round of applause I sat down next to Will and just like that the girl from the hallway ran into the class to sit at the back next to the blonde, she didn't even look up , she just passed by and sat down  
>I leaned forward to whisper into Will's ear<p>

"Is that Santana?"

His only response was a nod so I knew right away that the hallway girl was Santana Lopez and I couldn't help but keep my eyes off her, I just kept on staring with worry in my eyes and with sadness…I felt as though I needed to help her…I wanted to…I had to, her eyes tell me everything I need to know, they carry all the emotions that she is feeling at the moment and right now she is blank, that's it she is just blank

"Santana so glad you could join us today, have you met Dr. Fabray, the new counselor?" Santana just looked at me and gave me a head nod and looked away…I wanted to look at her longer but she couldn't even look up

"Santana this week's assignment is emotion…we are singing songs that express our emotions …do have anything to share?" Will asked but she was just pensive about the whole thing

"Mr. Schue can I have the honor of starting"

When I looked around everyone just rolled their eyes at the girl, which made me guess that she could be too much sometimes but I just kept on looking back at the girl, her friend whispered something in her ear and I saw her give her a small smile

"Rachel I think we should give Santana a chance here"

She looked around first and shrugged her shoulders, she moved slowly towards the piano, like she was afraid to touch it, she slowly sat down and started playing the keys slowly I couldn't get over her raw emotions I couldn't stop looking at her

_When the days are cold  
>And the cards all fold<br>And the saints we see  
>Are all made of gold<em>

_**When your dreams all fail  
>And the ones we hail<br>Are the worst of all  
>And the blood's run stale<strong>_

Her voice was amazing, it had so much emotion behind it, she looked around the class room, looking at everyone, it was like she was telling people her story, her reasons of why she was hurting, her reasons of why she didn't want to let people in

_**I wanna hide the truth  
>I wanna shelter you<br>But with the beast inside  
>There's nowhere we can hide<strong>_

_**No matter what we breed  
>We still are made of greed<br>This is my kingdom come  
>This is my kingdom come<strong>_

_**When you feel my heat  
>Look into my eyes<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<strong>_

I could see her eyes brimming with tears, I felt tears rolling down my face as well and I moved to wipe them away, it was so touching because I knew very well of what she was going through, I pretty much heard some sniffles in the room, there was so much tension in the room, people felt what she was feeling

_**Don't get too close  
>It's dark inside<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<strong>_

She looked straight into my eyes and just continued singing, I had no idea why but I felt as though she was singing directly to me, Santana was hurting and I wanted to know what hurt her…I wanted to fix her…I felt as though we went through the same thing together

_**At the curtains call  
>It's the last of all<br>When the lights fade out  
>All the sinners crawl<strong>_

_**So they dug your grave  
>And the masquerade<br>Will come calling out  
>At the mess you've made<strong>_

_**Don't wanna let you down  
>But I am, hell bound<br>Though this is all for you  
>Don't wanna hide the truth<strong>_

I looked back, I looked right back and I just started at her ….it was like I felt what she was feeling, every lyric, every key she played felt like it was harmonizing with the beat of my heart

_**No matter what we breed  
>We still are made of greed<br>This is my kingdom come  
>This is my kingdom come<strong>_

_**When you feel my heat  
>Look into my eyes<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<strong>_

_**Don't get too close  
>It's dark inside<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<strong>_

_**They say it's what you make  
>I say it's up to fate<br>It's woven in my soul  
>I need to let you go<strong>_

_**Your eyes, they shine so bright  
>I wanna save that light<br>I can't escape this now  
>Unless you show me how<strong>_

_**When you feel my heat  
>Look into my eyes<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<strong>_

_**Don't get too close  
>It's light inside<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<strong>_

She was looking at me through the entire performance, she was looking only in my eyes and after the song she wiped her tears and ran out of the glee club, when her friend stood up to go run after her I stopped her, I was still wiping my tears away

"I will go" I softly whispered, she allowed me to go after her

I ran, I ran down the hallway to go find Santana, I ran panicked at what might be going on in her mind, I went into every room and lastly I arrived into the bathroom and then I heard her…I heard her quietly sobbing I further moved into the bathroom and I saw her gripping the sink and looking down…she was sobbing and they were painful sobs

All I wanted to do was hold her and tell her that she is not alone that she is going to be okay…I was afraid though…I was afraid of reaching out to her, for all I know she might not want me here but I have to try, she is broken…I am halfway healed so I had to do something…I wanted to

I moved forward to touch her, I softly grabbed her arm and I immediately felt her tense

"Hey look I am just trying to help okay" I spoke to her softly

What happened next surprised me, she violently removed her arm from my grip and gave me a cold yet pained stare

"I don't need your help, you have no idea what I am going through and you have no idea who I am…you think you can just walk in here like any other Doctor and try to "fix me" well news flash I don't need fixing, I don't need anyone's help, specifically your doctor" she said with so much venom and hurt behind her the tone of her voice and with that she just left the bathroom without another word and I was left there speechless, only thinking one thing

"I have been through it all too Santana" ….

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**Song: Demons - Imagine Dragons **

**Until Next Time Folks**


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